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Friday, 2 May 2014
Mayeda
One day in the city of Enford, lived a man. His name was Stan. He had a
wife called Addet, she was a beautiful, young, truthful human being. A few
months later Stan wanted a son. But when the baby arrived it was a girl. Stan
couldn’t believe his eyes! He divorced Addet and killed the baby! After a week
went, he realised his mistake! 6 years passed by and he just got married to a
selfish queen. He got blind with money and kept them in a cupboard. One day the
king was sent to a trip to finland. When he came back he quickly came to his
bed room. And when he opend the cupboard door…
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Tragic beginning. Good use of commas in lists but be careful where else you use them. Should it be a comma or full stop? Try not to use the word 'got' - what else could you have used. I would think again about keeping your theme linked e.g. around the baby. Mrs. Weeks
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