“Can’t wait
to tell my friend that I’ve flown over France” I gasped. I glanced over many countries;
she’s going to be extremely jealous.
“Jessica it’s
time for school now I rapidly got my bag and belted down the stairs, I’m so
excited I can’t wait to see her face” Mum shouted” come on Jess we are going to
be late.”
“I shouted
down the stairs I’ll be there in a minute. Eventually I got to school rapidly,
I saw Maddie, I was surprised to see Spain and Digoin I went there once. She
was amazed.
Some great word choices Jessica. However, I think you have got a bit confused with your use of speech marks. Remember the speech marks go around the words actually spoken by your characters.
ReplyDeleteHi Jessica,
ReplyDeleteI love the way you have started your writing with dialogue, as this grabs the reader's attention and makes them want to read more. You've used some good vocabulary and you have used a range of punctuation.
Thank you for entering the 100 Word Challenge, I hope you keep entering.
Mrs Stones
http://bradfordschools.net/blog/miriamlord100wc/
Hi Jessica
ReplyDeleteYou have developed your story very well. Your punctuation is good. The only bit that I am pondering is, 'Eventually I got to school rapidly'. Now although it is possible to eventually get somewhere rapidly, I wonder if you could have phrased this bit in a different way. You have used rapidly very well in the previous paragraph. A good idea well developed
Rebecca (Team 100WC)
WELL DONE IT WAS VERY GOOD
ReplyDeleteYour story is very good.
ReplyDelete