One cloudy day Evie Mist was getting
ready for school, “Hurry up Evie!” Shouted her mum, “I’m coming.” Replied Evie
galloping down the stairs. At school a gang of bullies were waiting for her on
the pavement. A while later the
school bell rang Evie was safe ...for a while. At lunch time they followed her
around the play ground they called her names like Evie no mates or funny Evie. Finally they left her
alone as the teacher came.
On her way home Evie found a forest
she’d never seen so she went in. In the middle there was an orange a funny orange. Evie laughed
Excellent speech punctuation and good word choice in 'galloping'. How could you get the word 'turtle' into your work?
ReplyDeleteJafna,
ReplyDeleteLovely writing, I really enjoyed this piece. I hope it's made up and you don't have bullies at your school. I wonder what happened once she'd got into the forest? I bet it was exciting.
I think you meant to write a "turtle, a funny orange turtle" which means you used all the words - well done!
Andrew
Team 100wc
Jafna I love you're work but I think you missed out a couple of comas but still grate from Millie w
ReplyDeleteThe Deadly Orange by Jafna
ReplyDeleteOne cloudy day Evie Mist was getting ready for school, “Hurry up Evie!” Shouted her mum, “I’m coming.” Replied Evie galloping down the stairs. At school a gang of bullies were waiting for her on the pavement. A while later the school bell rang Evie was safe ...for a while. At lunch time they followed her around the play ground they called her names like Evie no mates or funny Evie. Finally they left her alone as the teacher came.
On her way home Evie found a forest she’d never seen so she went in. In the middle there was an orange a funny orange. Evie laughed there was a magnificent bluey turqoise TURTLE climbing a tree. The orange gave a deadly smirk,than let out a disguting and deadly, toxic smell evie let out a piercing shriek but noone came.EVIE WAS NO MORE