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Friday 11 October 2013

The magic balloon by James


ONE DAY IN SYDNEY A SECRET OPERATON FOR THE GOVERNMENT WAS MAKING A MAGIC BALLOON THAT COULD CARRY ANYTHING.

ALL OF A SUDDEN THERE WAS A CRACK, THE   MAGIC BALLOON HAD DISAPPEARED! ONE AFTERNOON A BOY WENT ON A BALLOON RIDE. THE NEXT MINUTE LOOKING DOWN THERE WAS A MYSTERIOUS BALLOON HEADED FOR ME LIKE A ROCKET. ALSO WHEN I GRABBED THE ROPE I FELT LIKE I WAS IN HEAVEN.  
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2 comments:

  1. Unknown11 October 2013 at 12:27

    Fantastic opening James with some great word choices. Maybe you could think about rephrasing your ending as it doesn't fit with the rest of your writing.

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  2. Trish13 October 2013 at 06:28

    I agree with the comments above. I was very excited to read your opening sentence but then I'm not sure whether you lost your way a little. You write about 'a boy' going on the ride but then it changes and you begin to write in the first person.
    But it's great to see you thinking creatively. Keep it up.

    Trish Burgess (Team 100WC)

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