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Friday, 7 February 2014

Water water! by Georgina



WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO today is my birthday and I am going on holiday to the Rainforest in your face Candace she is the most popular girl in the class she thinks she is the bomb diggedy. By the way my name is Victoria Olay! And my mum’s name is Vicky and my dad’s name is Benjamin people at school call me Queen Victoria!!! And they call Candace creepy Candace well that’s what me and my friends call her. It is time to go mum said when we go over the sea all we can see is water we finely on the aeroplane when... 
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5 comments:

  1. Anonymous8 February 2014 at 09:12

    I think that you can improve on the comas because your first sentence was very long. And you can put in some adjectives and check your spelling. like the part when you call Candace creepy Candace.By Eva

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous9 February 2014 at 04:34

    I think you can improve your first sentence with comas and also check spelling.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous9 February 2014 at 08:07

    I love your story It is the dest I have read so far.
    from Georgina

    ReplyDelete
  4. Unknown9 February 2014 at 10:59

    Definitely need commas to help the reader read your work Georgina. Also check your ending. I think it would be better to end after the phrase ... see is water!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Unknown17 February 2014 at 13:00

    Hi Georgina I love your story!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    from your cousin kaamila

    ReplyDelete

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