One
peaceful morning I was casually strolling down the banks of the River Cray in
Orpington. I had my precious IPHONE 5c in my hand; someone texted me; it
vibrated and fell into the water! Immediately I leaped into the water after it,
there was no sign of my phone! Then, out of nowhere, a carp took it! All of a
sudden I chased after that fresh water monster. I took another breath and belly
flopped onto the carp! I had the fish in my hands; I threw it onto the banks
and took my phone and launced the fish back.
Good use of semi-colons to increase the pace of the story. Also great word choices and accurate punctuation. Maybe next time you could include some speech.
ReplyDeleteWhat an eventful morning your main character had! I liked the image of them belly flopping onto the fish. Well done on a great 100WC.
ReplyDeleteNicola (Team 100WC)
One peaceful morning I was casually strolling down the banks of the River Cray in Orpington. I had my precious IPHONE 5c in my hand; someone texted me; it vibrated and fell into the water! Immediately I leaped into the water after it, there was no sign of my phone! Then, out of nowhere, a carp took it! All of a sudden I chased after that fresh water monster. I took another breath and belly flopped onto the carp! I had the fish in my hands; I threw it onto the banks and took my phone and launced the fish back
ReplyDelete