“Quick they
will find us, let’s hide in the dark and dingy woods.” Commanded the man. “Hurry
in here, shhh we have to be quiet, they will find us.”
“I know you
are here, come out, come out,” the witch whispered softly, “hahaha!, I’m not
going to hurt you I just want you for dinner mahaha!”
“RUN!”
shouted the terrified man and woman! “Ahhhhhh!”
“She has got
my leg; just go on without me; just go.”
“I’m not
leaving you, let go of her you wrinkly hag.”
“How dare you call me a hag I’ve just had kids
souls to make me look younger....JPG)
Excellent scary story Jessica. Good use of speech and starting a new line. Good adjectives and adverbs as well.
ReplyDeleteThanks Jessica- I like the use of commanded to introduce speech- and the use of softly (adverb) to show how the whispering was done- do be careful not to overdo the speech however- it can make it difficult to describe.
ReplyDeleteMr Furlong -team 100-Norwich
love the story jessica but i think to make it better adding similes
ReplyDeletefrom kerry
The Witch by Jessica
ReplyDelete“Quick they will find us, let’s hide in the dark and dingy woods.” Commanded the man. “Hurry in here, shhh we have to be quiet, they will find us.”
“I know you are here, come out, come out,” the witch whispered softly, “hahaha!, I’m not going to hurt you I just want you for dinner mahaha!”
“RUN!” shouted the terrified man and woman! “Ahhhhhh!”
“She has got my leg; just go on without me; just go.”
“I’m not leaving you, let go of her you wrinkly hag.”
“How dare you call me a hag I’ve just had kids souls to make me look younger...
Hahaha you will be next and I will be younger ill make sure if that mwaa hahaha so leave off who to kill first...
hi Jess,
ReplyDeletegood use of speech marks and commas you could add some writing that isnt speech though from tina