I was strolling casually in the park with
my friend Tina, when we heard the most blood curdling screech that pierced
through the forest. We went to find help; we saw a young girl; her face was
ashen and gaunt. She was staring at a red watery puddle with a man lying cold
on the ground, his clothes were blood soaked and his face was unrecognisable.
As I looked back at the small girl, tears trickled down her sweet face. Tina
started to panic she pulled her phone with shaking hands. The next thing I’m
taken away to cry alone.
Great word choices for your verbs, adverbs and adjectives. Good use of semi colons and alliteration. Maybe your last sentence could link with the rest of your story. Also were you in a forest or a park?
ReplyDeleteYou used some great words in this 100WC- I particularly liked your adjectives, such as ashen, gaunt and shaking. Your word choices gave the reader a real sense of foreboding and ultimately, sadness. Well done- very powerful.
ReplyDeleteFiona (Team 100WC)
Stone Dead in the wood by Heather
ReplyDeleteI was strolling casually in the woods with my friend Tina,laughing as usual when we were cut short by the most blood curdling screech that pierced through the forest. We went to find help; we saw a young girl; her face was ashen and gaunt. She was staring,violently tremling, at a red watery puddle with a man lying cold on the ground, his clothes were blood soaked and his face was unrecognisable. As I looked back at the small girl, tears trickled down her sweet face. Tina started to panic she pulled her phone with shaking hands. I told them my story, as I was led away to the police station leaving the dead man alone in the forest.