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Friday 29 November 2013

The Dead Returns! By Mayeda and Georgina

Run what I said run for your life! If you want to live run right now! They can see us now ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!! Yrghhhhhhhhh. RUN there coming they will bite us and then we will turn in to zombies too! Do you want that to happen? Do you? They’re getting closer get in the car quick!!! Step on it papa ok lets go brom bromm. When we get out of the car we will swim in the lake near the town square!! Then when we get out of the lake we can get to the other side and hide in the forest and hide in the tree... but the boys don’t now that  they have a brilliant type of sent...

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7 comments:

  1. Unknown29 November 2013 at 11:24

    This would be a great account girls if you had used speech marks. If you put them in and start a new line when a different character speaks this will help me to read it.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Musomic3 December 2013 at 12:19

    What a wonderful effort that's been made here. I'd have to agree with Paul that with correct use of speech marks it would have been easier to follow. Saying that, your account had clarity and pace and kept me engaged all the way through wanting to know more. The sign of great writing!

    Keep it up girls.

    Thank you so much for your response and be sure to get your class checking www.ian-crowford.com and our twitter page @MUSOMIC for updates on the lucky winner. Also, your entry will be added to the site very shortly so more people can read it.

    On the website we'll have more competitions for you to win the new MUSOMIC 'APP' and more. Your class can join the mailing list so you won't miss a trick.

    Thanks again.


    Ian


    Creator of MUSOMIC.
    @musomic
    Highly anticipated comic building 'App' out March 2014

    ReplyDelete
  3. Mrs Margaret Rattray5 December 2013 at 10:03

    You have managed to create suspense and excitement in your story. It would, as has been said before, be so much easier to read and understand if you used the correct punctuation. However, it certainly made me want to know what happens next. Well done - keep writing!

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  4. Mrs Margaret Rattray5 December 2013 at 10:07

    You have created great suspense and excitement in your story, girls, by using short sentences that come thick and fast. It would, as has been said previously, be so much easier to read if it was punctuated properly - keep working on that. However, I would love to know what happens next which is an essential part of a good story. Well done!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Anonymous6 December 2013 at 02:14

    wow girls really like it well done
    from Tanya

    ReplyDelete
  6. Anonymous6 December 2013 at 02:19

    "Run what I said run for your life!"
    "If you want to live run right now!"
    "They can see us now ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!"
    "Yrghhhhhhhhh."
    "RUN there coming they will bite us and then we will turn in to zombies too!"
    "Do you want that to happen?"
    "Do you?"
    "They’re getting closer get in the car quick!!!"
    "Step on it papa ok lets go" brom bromm.
    "When we get out of the car we will swim in the lake near the town square!!, Then when we get out of the lake we can get to the other side and hide in the forest and hide in the tree!!"... but the boys don’t now that they have a brilliant type of sent...
    mayeda georgina

    ReplyDelete
  7. Anonymous6 December 2013 at 02:40

    like it!!!!! from cydni

    ReplyDelete

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