Slowly strolling down the sidewalk at
8oclock pm I spied on 2 sly thieves steeling computers. I knew I had to do
something as I was a policeman. I decided not to call for backup the horribly
loud noise would give me away. So I crept up on them and BOOM I kicked one in
the knee then he collapsed in pain. Suddenly there was a bright light it didn’t
hurt my eyes. I realised I had been killed; I was in heaven I looked down from
the sky and saw the thieves running away I regret not calling for backup.
Excellent use of adjectives Eva. Next time re read your work and use commas to tell me when to pause.
ReplyDeleteWell done with this week's 100WC, Eva. I like that you have used description to help the reader picture the events in their mind as they read. And a shock ending...... fantastic! My only suggestion would be that you use commas to allow a pause in a couple of your sentences. Keep up the good work.
ReplyDeleteMrs Maclean, Team 100WC
Well done on this week's 100WC, Eva. I like that you have used description to help the reader picture the story in their mind as they read. And a shock ending- fantastic! My only suggestion would be to add a comma in a couple of your sentences to allow a pause.
ReplyDeleteMrs Maclean, Team 100WC
Excellent piece of writing, loved the way you described the thieves as being sly. Such a sad ending though, well done it was well thought out. Mrs Wheller
ReplyDelete