One pleasant
morning, Hotdog was watering his petunias with his shimmering, yellow watering
can, when a thought sprung into his mind...
“Why don’t I
go on holiday to Candy land to visit Kitty?”
The very
same afternoon, Hotdog had packed his bags and had arrived at the glorious land
of candy.
As soon as
he had dumped his bags on his bed, Hotdog was in the heart of Candy land bouncing
on the cotton candy Mountains waving his arms frantically. Suddenly I heard a
crack and almost instantly a chunk of candy cane fell and knocked him out cold.
I loved reading this and I want to go to Candy Land? I like the detail in your first paragraph (especially the shimmering, yellow watering can) and the way you have created a cliff-hanger at the end.
ReplyDeleteNext time be careful that you don't use 'I' instead of 'he' or 'Hotdog' as for your last sentence you wrote 'Suddenly I ...' to make it perfect.
Well done as you have worked hard on your use of vocabulary and openers.
Lovely description - I especially love cotton candy mountains!
ReplyDeleteI agree with Mrs Wilson, the last paragraph becomes confusing. Also the extra comma in some sentences will help tell the reader, when to pause!
Tina,
ReplyDeleteI love the idea of candyland and a person called hotdog, it's so creative! I especially liked your great adjectives
Well done for including adverbs. I really liked your first paragraph.
ReplyDeleteSuper effort for including a complex sentence! Keep it up!
Mr Duffin
Hi Tina your writing is FAB! well done for getting exactly 100 words.
ReplyDeletecool
ReplyDelete