I was in World War 2
and I was flying a racing Spitfire . I was losing power and was going down, then I woke up and my plane was in
the tree I was on the ground covered in
blood . SUDDENLY I heard a crack ! I
knew I was something was wrong !
All of a sudden a stampede of
army men came running out of the woods
, I had to play dead .And then
my solders came out to help me . I was badly injured. I lucky I am here today anyway we won the war.
Good to read a story in such an unexpected setting.The punctuation is a little unusual too, but very well done and thank you.
ReplyDeleteI loved reading this as it is like a good action movie. You have set the scene very well and I really like parts of your sentence 'I was losing power and going down'. 'I was on the ground covered in blood'. 'All of a sudden a stampede of army men came running out of the woods'.
ReplyDeleteNext time, don't tell the reader the end to leave them guessing what happens next which will create more suspense. I would have stopped the story at the part where you had to play dead. Then the reader would want to read your next blog to find out what happens rather than you telling them everything at once.
Great description boys especially where you give us your personal thoughts at the time. (I knew something was wrong, I had to play dead)
ReplyDeleteNext time: When you type, you punctuation is always attached to the previous word and the space always comes after the punctuation - just like in the books you read!)
Brilliant effort boys. You have really used your imagination to picture yourself as a soldier. It really grabbed my attention and made me want to read on.
ReplyDeleteMr Duffin
Hi its kerry your story is good and funny I think you should add a question at the end.
ReplyDeleteHi its heather and Tina great use of punctuation and a great starting sentence. Also good use openers and connectives try and use more description.
ReplyDelete