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Friday 13 September 2013

My Dad and I! By Millie W


Me and my dad were fishing by the bay. He quickly told my brother to stop throwing stones or we will never catch anything. My dad suddenly skidded into the water I couldn’t help but laugh! My brother pulled his rod out of the water a monstrous fish on the other end nearly snapping the rod. My dad jumped up to let the gigantic thing off the hook, my brother screamed with shock he was still firmly holding the rod .my brother quickly snapped I caught something and I was throwing stones’. My dad paused looked at my brother and said “it’s about time you learn to take a fish off your own hook.            

2 comments:

  1. My brother and I .... Lovely short story which really made me laugh. Mrs. Weeks

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  2. Well done Millie, some lovely word choices with good adjectives (monstrous) and adverbs (quickly, firmly). Keep using lots of good adjectives and adverbs it really helps me to picture your story in my mind.

    You can make it even better by thinking about your punctuation from 'my brother...

    Remember capitals, commas to show me when to pause and create tension. Finally, look at speech punctuation. What is special about speech...look in your reading book to find out!

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