On a dark stormy night
two solders walked in to the terrorizing battlefield. And there hole army force
was behind them they were the bravest
commando they have ever seen. The person next to him was his best friend they
were the strongest in the army the
commando best friend got dragged into a bush and suddenly they were in a house.
The commando went to look up stairs and the forces suddenly herd a crack. One man ran down stairs and saw the best
friend and ran towards him and STAB right though the neck then commando
And shot him and found out it was slender man...
Hi Maison,
ReplyDeleteReading your writing this week made me feel like I was watching a good action film! You have made it descriptive so I can picture what is going on. Just one thing - make sure you read your work through carefully to check for things such as 'homophones' words which sound the same but are spelt differently. These words include: there, hole and herd.
Well done this week
Mrs Prior - Team 100WC
I loved reading this and can't wait to find out what happened to the soldiers? I like the way you have created suspense all of the way through and I agree with the comment from Mrs Prior about it being like a good action film.
ReplyDeleteNext time check your work when you have finished as there are a few spelling mistakes or get a friend to read it before you publish it just to make it perfect.
Well done.
Excellent description of a battle scene Maison. Next time say the sentence in your head, write it, punctuate it and then think of the next sentence.
ReplyDeleteWith spellings: remember to hear with your ear!
Some excellent ideas Maison, my class really enjoyed reading this (and not 1 basically!).
ReplyDeleteGood effort and keep up the good work.
Mr Duffin
Well done Maison. You done very good.by kerry ...
ReplyDelete