Tree branches
lashed at her as she darted through the bewitched forest. She wasn’t going back even if this was the
only place she could go. Suddenly she
stopped. Heaving she spoke to herself “ Come on Lily we have to go
deep-”suddenly she heard a crack! Lily started running rocks from all around her were being hurled
at her with tremendous force. The rocks stopped, however she stumbled over a
tree root and tumbled down. When Lily got back up she saw the giant gash on her leg with warm, sticky blood gushing out her leg. She instantly
fainted.
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ReplyDeleteI loved reading this and can't wait to find out what the crack was and whether Lily is ok? Will anyone rescue her? Will she wake up? I like the way you have created suspense all of the way through and created a cliff-hanger at the end.
ReplyDeleteNext time use (...) ellipsis to make your punctuation even better. e.g. it was dark...too dark.
Well done Heather, fantastic word choices and descriptions. Next time think about your commas.
ReplyDeleteE.g.
She wasn’t going back, even if this was the only place she could go. Suddenly, she stopped.
This will help the reader to read it as you wanted it to be read.
to heather this is a weird message considering your sitting next to me but I just want to say your righting is amazing!
ReplyDeletefrom Tina !!
To heather this is weird considering your sitting next to me but I just want to say ...
ReplyDeleteYOUR WORK IS AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THERE YOU GO BYEBYE FROM TINA