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Friday, 13 September 2013

The Terrfifying Fish by Kelly and Kerry


One sunny morning I wanted to go fishing with my best friend so we went.  As we were setting our things up we saw something in the water, so  quickly I pulled it  up, and I nearly fell in because it was so heavy. Suddenly, I glanced at it for a while. ... Then we both got an electric shock! Then I threw the fish back in but I fell in with it....My friend went to get help. Shortly after a lifeguard arrived and pulled me out, I was soaked my friend was laughing at me. Then we walked home.
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8 comments:

  1. Anonymous13 September 2013 at 11:50

    Loved the saying suddenly, I glanced at it for a while. You must have typed this about 3 times before you got it how it is, so well done to you both.Mrs. Wheller

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  2. Anonymous13 September 2013 at 15:00

    I remember fishing once with my sister and she fell in! Next time try to think of different words for Then e.g. Dripping we walked home. Mrs. Weeks

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  3. Unknown14 September 2013 at 00:45

    Well done girls another great 100WC entry. Good use of 'suddenly, shortly'

    I agree with Mrs Weeks, you have used 'then' too much. Always try to use different openers. Instead of 'then' you could use 'next, later, after or many other words.

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  4. Anonymous15 September 2013 at 03:29

    Hi Kelly and Kerry,
    As I read your story, I can imagine that fish pulling you into the water.I think that 'Suddenly, I glanced at it for a while' is a confusing idea - if it was a sudden glance, it would be a quick one I imagine. Maybe you can convince me that I am wrong?!! I would have liked to know more about the electric shock part of the story too - how or why.
    Keep on writing girls!
    Mary
    Team 100WC
    Australia

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  5. Anonymous16 September 2013 at 00:11

    Well done kerry and Kelly u done good from kerry team in 100wc

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  6. Anonymous27 September 2013 at 02:12

    i liked your writing

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  7. Anonymous4 October 2013 at 02:21

    good writing

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  8. Anonymous22 November 2013 at 02:43

    Onebright sunny morning, I wanted to go fishing with my best friend ,jessica, so we went. As we were setting our things up we saw something in the water, so quickly, I pulled it up, and I nearly fell in because it was so heavy. Suddenly, I glanced at it for a while. ... Then we both got an electric shock! Then I threw the fish back in but I fell in with it....My friend went to get help. Shortly after a lifeguard arrived and pulled me out, I was soaked my friend was laughing at me. Then we walked home.

    ReplyDelete

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