Deep in the
rain forest there was a girl named Cheeky who lived with her animal friends.
She shared all her food with her friends. She lived in the biggest tree in the
rain forest. One rainy day there was a deadly sound, the sound came closer and
closer...suddenly there was a crack...it sounded like a tree Falling on the
ground. In the distance she found a yellow thing with wheels. She ran until she
was out of breath suddenly she saw a spark of light and
When she was
in the light ...
I love the ending to your story, it is always good to leave your reader wondering and wanting to know more. An unusual setting with some excellent descriptions, well done.
ReplyDeleteI loved reading this and can't wait to find out what happens next. I like that you have used lots of description to make your writing more exciting. I especially liked the part where '...there was a deadly sound. The sound came closer and closer...suddenly there was a crack...'
ReplyDeleteNext time could you change the last 'suddenly' as you have already used it once to make it perfect. e.g. She ran until she was out of breath. Out of the corner of her eye she saw a spark of light...'
A fantastic story opening with fantastic description girls. Particularly good simile - it must of been very loud!
ReplyDeleteThink about adding commas when you need your reader to make a mini pause.
The girl who lived in the rainforest! by Mayeda and Georgina
ReplyDeleteDeep in the rain forest there was a girl named Cheeky who lived with her animal friends. She shared all her food with her friends. She lived in the biggest tree in the rain forest. One rainy day there was a deadly sound, the sound came closer and closer...suddenly there was a crack...it sounded like a tree Falling on the ground. In the distance she found a yellow thing with wheels. She ran until she was out of breath suddenly she saw a spark of light and
When she was in the light ...