My two mates and I were scuba diving in the Caribbean. We were about to dive off the boat when a
suspicious creature was swimming around the boat. The dolphins were acting
weird, it must be a shark, we dived in and sank to the bottom of the ocean. Suddenly out of nowhere a great white shark
bit Mason Parker’s fingers but luckily he was wearing chainmail. We carried on
exploring the amazing coral reef and we saw lots of fantastic creatures. Then
we saw a black tip above us . . . the great white came back . . .
What a great adventure story, and I wonder what is to come? Nice ending that keeps the reader wanting more. Keep up the good work writing on the 100WC.
ReplyDeleteSome great language used in this passage, I also liked the suddenly out of nowhere in your third sentence. Well done boys. Mrs. Wheller
ReplyDeleteSuddently, out of nowhere .... well done for creating suspence! I agree with Mrs. Wheller Mrs. Weeks
ReplyDeleteAn excellent account boys, well done. I particularly like your use of adjectives ' suspicious, fantastic and amazing' it really helps me picture the scene.
ReplyDeleteI've always wanted to swim in a coral reef...however I'm not sure I still want too!
cool, you need to make it longer though.
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteMy two mates and I were scuba diving in the gloriuos Caribbean. We were about to dive off the boat when a suspicious creature was swimming around the boat. The dolphins were acting weird, it must be a shark, we dived in and sank to the bottom of the deep diamond blue ocean. Suddenly out of nowhere a great white shark bit Mason Parker’s fingers but luckily he was wearing chainmail. We carried on exploring the amazing coral reef and we saw lots of fantastic creatures. Then we saw a black tip above us . . . the great white came back . . .
Posted by Poverest Primary Year 6 at 09:51
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5 comments:
wordsfromthemoon13 September 2013 11:07
What a great adventure story, and I wonder what is to come? Nice ending that keeps the reader wanting more. Keep up the good work writing on the 100WC.
Reply
Anonymous13 September 2013 11:58
Some great language used in this passage, I also liked the suddenly out of nowhere in your third sentence. Well done boys. Mrs. Wheller
Reply
Anonymous13 September 2013 14:57
Suddently, out of nowhere .... well done for creating suspence! I agree with Mrs. Wheller Mrs. Weeks
Reply
Paul Haylock14 September 2013 00:41
An excellent account boys, well done. I particularly like your use of adjectives ' suspicious, fantastic and amazing' it really helps me picture the scene.
I've always wanted to swim in a coral reef...however I'm not sure I still want too!
Reply
Anonymous3 October 2013 02:38
cool, you need to make it longer though.
Reply