It all
started on a Friday night, when a young girl named Betty fell fast asleep.
In the
middle of a deep sleep, I was startled as ...suddenly I heard a crack ...I
thought it was because of the storm so I went back to bed .But about 20 to 25 minutes later I heard a
strange whooshing noise followed by an
enormous thud!
Early the next morning Betty went deep into
the forest to investigate about the strange noises from the night before .All
Betty saw was a shiny disk like thing with all these ancient symbols...
TO BE CONTINUED!
I loved reading this and can't wait to find out what happens to Betty? What was the strange whooshing noise? I like the way you have created suspense all of the way through and a cliff-hanger at the end with the 'shiny disk like thing with all the ancient symbols'.
ReplyDeleteNext time either stick to using 'Betty' all of the way through as the second paragraph you started using 'I' and then you went back to Betty at the end to make it perfect.
Well done
Great description and some lovely word choices (whooshing, enormous)
ReplyDeleteBefore you write next time, decide if you want to write in the first person (I, me, us) or the third person (Betty)
very funny and FAB writing! H.R
ReplyDelete