One misty morning, Marie Malice, the
quiet type, got up to go to school. It seemed just like a normal day, but all
that was going to change...
After she got dressed she made her
favourite breakfast, pancakes, she packed her bags and strolled to school with
her best friends: Lilly Zelda, Amy Jane and Stella deaden.
At break Vanessa grey, the troublemaker,
decided to play with them. ”Hey guys, let’s play truth or dare!” she asked. “What
if we played it after school in the forests?” Stella considered.
“Sure” Stella agreed.
Later on, while they were playing, they
heard a crack, but they were alone.
END OF PART 1
I loved reading this and can't wait to find out what the crack was. I like the way you have introduced the characters and created suspense at the end. The first part is brilliant where you have added extra detail 'the quiet type'.
ReplyDeleteNext time remember speech starts on a new line but otherwise this is fantastic.
Excellent opening to a story and I really want to know what is going to happen next. The extra information you give about characters is excellent (the troublemaker)
ReplyDeleteAlways start new speech on a new line and always punctuate before the closing speech mark (E.g. "Sure,")
Millie,
ReplyDeleteI loved your work but there were a few mistakes and that is ok because of your brilliant work
Well done for including a complex sentence (Vanessa Grey, the troublemaker...)
ReplyDeleteKeep up the good work Millie.
Mr Duffin
Millie.i.liked.your.work.but.you.had.stella.considered.then.stella.agreed.
ReplyDeleteOne misty morning, Marie Malice, the quiet type, got up to go to school. It seemed just like a average day, but all that was going to change...
ReplyDeleteAfter she got dressed she made her favourite breakfast, pancakes, she packed her bags and strolled to school with her best friends: Lilly Zelda, Amy Jane and Stella deaden.
At break Vanessa grey, the troublemaker, decided to play with them. ”Hey guys, let’s play truth or dare!” she asked. “What if we played it after school in the forests?” Stella considered.
“Sure” Vanessa agreed.
Later on, while they were playing, they heard a crack, but they were alone.
"what's that?" Marie quietly asked, shivering.
"I..I..I dont know!" Lilly cried.
Then all the girls darted away from there, not knowing about the creature that was following them...