Trudging
through the forest I gave up.
“Come out
come out wherever you are!” I scream.
Unfortunately
there was no reply, following my way back I stumble on a rock, the next thing I
knew I was hanging upside-down on a mouldy branch. I untangle myself gently but
I land with a thud. Peering through the bush I see a dolls house. I prop it upright.
I spy on a bowl; I pick it up and see that it is custard there were 3 more,
with my finger tip I taste them 1st one was to sweet.
Good build up Eva, with some good word use. Next time think carefully before you write which tense to use. Also change your ending. You could pick the one bowl up and describe what it tasted like. You haven't got enough words to describe all three.
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteTrudging through the forest I gave up.
“Come out come out wherever you are!” I screamed..
Unfortunately , there was no reply, following my way back I stumbled on a sharp rock. The next thing I knew I was hanging upside-down on a mouldy branch. I untangled myself gently but I landed with a thud. Peering through the bush I saw a dolls house. I propped it upright. I spied on a shiny china bowl; I picked it up and saw that it was custard, there were 3 more, with my finger tip I tasted them. The 1st one was to sweet.
Posted by Poverest Primary Year 6 at 07:19
CUSTARD IN A BOWL by Eva
ReplyDeleteTrudging through the forest I gave up.
“Come out come out wherever you are!” I scream.
Unfortunately there was no reply, retracing my steps carfully, I unfortunately stumbled over a rock, the next thing I knew I was hanging upside-down on a mouldy branch. I untangled myself gently but I landed with a thud. Peering through the bush I see a dirty, old dolls house. I propped it upright. I spied a shiny,china bowl; I picked it up and saw that it was full of hot, smooth custard! With my finger tip I cautiously dipped it into the steaming bowl and tasted it. Suddenly my throat became parched and I felt dizzy, the world started spinning, my head hit the floor with a loud thud and that was the last thing I knew!