SOLDIERS INVASION
One dark,
spooky night at Halloween me and my friend bought a pack of 20 toy soldiers but
they needed batteries . So we went to the shop next door to buy them. We raced
as fast as we could then when we put the batteries in it automatically turned
on and said, “Surrender or die?” So we turned them off and on again and they
started attacking us we kicked and kicked until they broke however when they
did brake
They were
still alive and they secretly called for backup
We were doomed
forever and ever the end
Fantastic entry boys, I know you worked very hard today. Great adjectives and adverbs and excellent speech punctuation. I've always liked the toy soldiers in 'Toy Story' but I may look at the film with a different point of view from now on!
ReplyDeleteCheck your punctuation at the end as you have missed some full stops.
Like the story boy from harry
ReplyDeleteThanks for taking part in the 100WC. You made a really good start to your story but a few mistakes crept in towards the end.
ReplyDeleteCould you have left the story on a cliff hanger with something like;
They were still alive and they must have secretly called for backup because there was a never ending line of toy soldiers marching along the street towards us ...
David Ball Team 100WC
One dark, spooky night at Halloween me and my friend bought a pack of 20 toy soldiers but they needed batteries . So we went to the shop next door to buy them. We raced as fast as we could then when we put the batteries in it automatically turned on and said, “Surrender or die?” So we turned them off and on again and they started attacking us we kicked and kicked until they broke however when they did brake
ReplyDeleteThey were still alive and they secretly called for backup
We were doomed forever and ever the end
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteOne dark, spooky night at Halloween me and my friend bought a pack of 20 toy soldiers but they needed batteries . So we went to the shop next door to buy them. We raced as fast as we could then when we put the batteries in it automatically turned on and said, “Surrender or die?” So we turned them off and on again and they started attacking us we kicked and kicked until they broke however when they did brake
ReplyDeleteThey were still alive and they secretly called for backup
We were doomed forever and ever the end
I like your work but you need a bit more adverbs
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteOne dark, spooky night at Halloween me and my friend bought a pack of 20 toy soldiers but they needed batteries . So we went to the shop next door to buy them. We raced as fast as we could then when we put the batteries in it automatically turned on and said, “Surrender or die?” So we turned them off and on again and they started attacking us we kicked and kicked until they broke however when they did brake
They were still alive and they secretly called for backup
We were doomed forever and ever the end