Today I’m
going to the grand zoo!
“Time to get
changed,” shouted mum up the stairs, “and don’t be long!”
I am wearing my pink t-shirt
and my blue jeans. After strolling miles
stupidly, I arrived at zoo WOW! I saw gorilla
running after the zoo keeper on a bicycle
rudely I laughed my head off. “Kelly” I screamed my friend is standing there
she is with Cydni my other best friend. She is running towards me they both
came up to me “shouting i would run if i was you. So we ran altogether I
quietly remarked why are we running Jessica said boasted.
Great idea girls. You have mixed tenses though which makes it difficult to read. Have another go but this time write it in the past tense. Compare the two and you decide which reads better>
ReplyDeleteI like your response to the prompt, it has some good ideas. I was a little confused because you forgot to use some full stops to show where sentences ended, so in places it was difficult to read. Could you read it out loud and listen to where you think the sentences would start?
ReplyDeleteKeep up the good ideas!
Nicola Richardson, 100 wc team, Tyne and Wear
Today I’m going to the grand zoo!
ReplyDelete“Time to get changed,” shouted mum up the stairs, “and don’t be long!”
I am wearing my pink t-shirt and my blue jeans. After strolling miles stupidly, I arrived at zoo WOW! I saw gorilla running after the zoo keeper on a bicycle rudely I laughed my head off. “Kelly” I screamed my friend is standing there she is with Cydni my other best friend. She is running towards me they both came up to me “shouting I would run if I was you. So we ran altogether I quietly remarked why are we running Jessica said boasted.