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Friday 10 January 2014

By Millie S

I am Alicia Barcs and I know not what happened to me nor my family. I write with arctic hands in a chamber of darkness and I fear that my life will end soon, all I know is that I got a remarkable toy for my birthday, but when I put the batteries in it everything went as black as coal. I heard screams of pain and sadness however I couldn’t do anything about it and then suddenly... BANG! Somebody whacked me on my head and I blacked out. Then I woke up here. What should I do? I don’t know.
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3 comments:

  1. Unknown10 January 2014 at 11:32

    Very mysterious Millie! I would like to know what the toy was that ended up having so much power. Lovely description throughout and good use of an onomatopoeia!

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  2. Anonymous12 January 2014 at 03:25

    Well done, Millie.
    Very intriguing with lots of mysterious details. You use language well and most punctuation is correctly placed. Perhaps using paragraphs would help you to structure and set out your work even more clearly.

    Keep up the very good work!

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  3. Anonymous17 January 2014 at 02:02

    I am Alicia Barcs and I know not what happened to me nor my family. I write with arctic hands in a chamber of darkness and I fear that my life will end soon.

    All I know is that I got a remarkable toy for my birthday, but when I put the batteries in it everything went as black as coal. I heard screams of pain and sorrow however I couldn’t do anything about it and then suddenly... BANG! Somebody whacked me on my head and I blacked out. Then I woke up here. What should I do? I don’t know.

    good

    ReplyDelete

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