Excitedly, on Christmas morning, I leaped up and ran down
stairs, eager to open my presents, however it wasn’t long before I had one
left. Uncle George gave this to me, so I
wasn’t that fussed over it; I acted like it though, because on the other side
of the room, mum was giving me evils (if looks could kill I’d be dead). As I
suspected it was a plastic doll for five year olds nevertheless I went up
stairs to my room with some batteries. But
when I put the batteries in, it followed me for life.
Well done Heather. I like your commentary to the reader in the brackets. Your sentence openers are also great.
ReplyDeleteCould one or two of your sentences ended with an exclamation mark?
I like the way you show the relationships between the three family members, Heather. Uncle George has clearly given you disappointing presents before and the reader enjoys the tension you create between yourself and mum over the unopened present. That the present turned out to be so unsuitable is amusing but you cleverly end with a chilling note of horror! A very good response to the 100WC, Heather.
ReplyDeleteYou’re not alone by Heather
ReplyDeleteExcitedly, on Christmas morning, I leaped up and ran down stairs, eager to open my presents, however it wasn’t long before I had one left. Uncle George gave this to me, so I wasn’t that fussed over it; I acted like it though, because on the other side of the room, mum was giving me evils (if looks could kill I’d be dead!) As I suspected it was a plastic doll for five year olds nevertheless I went up stairs to my room with some batteries. But when I put the batteries in, it followed me for life!
That was excellent Heather you did great and I loved the ending it was kind of a cliff hanger. niamh
ReplyDelete