One lonely
dull evening, I went for a stroll down the street but like a lightning bolt I
froze; my friend’s shed empty; her house was destroyed! What’s happened? As I
started to walk closer I could begin to see a pair of Lucy’s trainers. Has she
moved or gone on holiday? It’s driving me mad. I got home and over the fence I
could see a tall man staring at me and he was in Lucy’s shed. OMG! I was
thinking to myself. He started moving
towards my fence with Lucy’s trainers. Then Lucy was next to the dark figure...
How mysterious girls. Great build up of suspense and great word choices to describe and us of a simile. Just make sure you keep to the same tense. (It should have been "It was driving me mad!"
ReplyDeleteHi there girls. You have done a great job of buiding suspense in your writing. I paritcularly like your clever use of questions to get the reader to think in the same way as the character. You have used some complex sentence structures here which is very impressive. I love your simile 'like a lightning bolt I froze!', it creates a great image for the reader.
ReplyDeleteAn excellent piece of writing, I'm very impressed. Well done.
Mrs Beshiri Team 100WC
I think you should add more space in it girls and it sounds like you should add your name in medical well done Kerry and Jessica fab work
ReplyDeletegood work girls @ :) @:0
ReplyDelete